27 1/2

 

I caught a glimpse of you in one of the dozens of empty journals lying around here. They are empty whether they have any of my scribbling in them or not. But lately, since you,.., haunting 

 forever residence in my loft, in my bed, in my heart and in my lot here in life…. I see what haunting really is. What hurting really was.

And I see pictures you left for me. Pics you took for me. Not for the other guys you were keeping in love with you. I am an expert in not being in love with. And I know you actually had some kind of demented, toxic love for me that I was too  busy noticing someone who never came close to having the kind of understanding, the kind of similar little mind ruled by a silly heart that could never really function in this world… Unless we lived and found an audience.

A reader out there who knows what it felt to get those first goosebumps and the first real butterflies I had felt in maybe decades…. Only to turn around and see the girl that the world would hate me for the way I fell so instantly in…. something with her.

I really wish I had figured it out sooner. Serene. Shot of shelter… maybe moments. Maybe seconds. maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe slivers of shattered perfect first impression you left right on your way out, right on our spot in the bed I spent a decade avoiding maybe… until I was educated what making love meant. By the woman I love and will love for as long as you choose to hang around reminding me that I am someone special. The woman who haunts my heart, a child most would tell me.

I'm glad I got a snapshot. 

At least I’ll never be alone now. All the way from the mirror to the place we dissolved what boundaries lived between us. The place you opened your heart and your perfect heart and your first and …. last impression forever my girl, frustrating, disappearing, but always coming back with some truth … even if she had to steal it from one of her other admirers.

 

She was perfect. And 27 (and a half) forever.

In love forever I am. 📓🖋️