The Whole Year Inn

I was put in a position recently where I got the opportunity to  finish something I started twenty-seven years ago. Once I really got into the work, something interesting happened.  I woke up and realized I’m a 46 year old man, and I have been walking in place for a very long time. Treading water. I’m not sure what to make of all that time. Where the idea had been to escape something difficult and unnecessary, I found myself up against a wall that was between a boulder and a hard place.  There is a rate of interest on an investment in arrogance. And boy does it  pay dividends in pain and wreckage.  As the years pile up, there seems no avoidance of circles coming full. I spent a lot of money on tattoos and stickers that don’t mean as much as the gray hairs and lines on my face. Funny how you can’t fake that. And maybe how you can’t read it without learning the language in lifes’ calligraphy.  Not a lot of things in this world are done in a straight line. And...

  I caught a glimpse of you in one of the dozens of empty journals lying around here. They are empty whether they have any of my scribbling in them or not. But lately, since you,.., haunting    forever residence in my loft, in my bed, in my heart and in my lot here in life…. I see what haunting really is. What hurting really was. And I see pictures you left for me. Pics you took for me. Not for the other guys you were keeping in love with you. I am an expert in not being in love with. And I know you actually had some kind of demented, toxic love for me that I was too   busy noticing someone who never came close to having the kind of understanding, the kind of similar little mind ruled by a silly heart that could never really function in this world… Unless we lived and found an audience. A reader out there who knows what it felt to get those first goosebumps and the first real butterflies I had felt in maybe decades…. Only to turn around and see the girl that th...

The one you feel like you can't breathe without..  She's the one who kills you.  -Buk (I can't believe I took that!) 

Texts I almost sent. #29 It's just been a long time since I was even looking for a fellow traveler that might recognize The art on my wall. Or to both name the same  song at the same moment when asked what our favorite was.  Goosebumps. sustained silence eye to eye I don't know what she is, but I know we are ours. There are still those questions....   When she leaves... And the sun creeps around the fact that it's too late... To make that girl remember him at 1